The "Nice Guy" Complex

Yes, you are a nice guy. Or at least you were, until you pointed it out to me along with a diatribe of how guys like you don’t come around often and I am making a huge mistake.

I’m a nice girl. I’m interesting and adventurous and driven and ambitious but you don’t see me throwing all that down on the table. Girls like me don’t come around all the time, either. But when it comes down to it, screw you. Everyone is special for their own reasons. And for the record, I have met too many “Nice Guys” to really believe they don’t come around that often.

Where’s the humility? The understanding and acceptance? This fall from grace is unbecoming of you, Nice Guys. Let’s take a second to recalculate your position in life. You’re nice. You’ve got smarts, I’m sure, and big plans for the future. You want to take care of someone who can mostly take care of themselves aside from a bit of emotional dependence. You have dated around a bit, but no one has settled on you. You’re bitter.

Maybe you’re hanging out with the wrong people; people with whom you have virtually nothing in common, who are less educated and aware, who have few real ambitions, who don’t help you get out to meet new people.

Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places: on Tinder or speed dating events, at the library even though you hate books or the gym even though you don’t really work out much, at big parties but you really prefer small group events, at skeevy bars even though you prefer well-brewed beer.

Maybe you feel too much like you deserve it: whatever it is you think you want, you think it is only fair that it come to you easily because of how nice you’ve been to the world and everyone in it.

Here is a news flash: if you are being nice not for yourself and your own moral hygiene, then you aren’t really a nice guy, but you might be a Nice Guy. If you find yourself being kind and taking things slowly and buying someone things because that’s what you think you should do and not because it comes naturally, you probably are a Nice Guy.

Do everyone a favor and be honest with yourself and the people around you.

And, if you really are a nice guy, calm down. You clearly have not gotten to the place in life in which you prevail and you certainly won’t if you continue down this path of bitterness.

I certainly hope to end up with a nice guy one day, and I hope I never date another Nice Guy.